Help me, Dad- Christmas Special!

So, the ceiling's plastered, the corner unit's gone... And the horrible wall has been EXPERTLY demolished- woop woop! In anticipation of a very very lovely impending dad visit, here are the remaining jobs, apart from the laminate floor laying that we know about already!

1) weird electrical wire that used to feed the under-counter lighting for the corner unit:

2) cornice gap left by removing corner unit (bloody corner unit!)

3) strange floor tubes that had something to with the wall. They're hard and hurty!

Close up!!

4) the radiator used to hang on these hooks, but it can't fit there any more now that the sofa goes there!

5) skirting boards are still present, should I try and crow bar these off before you get here?!

6) finally, stupid leaky pipes that still drip a tiny tiny bit. Should we just throw more silicone sealant at it?!

And that's it! Oh also this thing needs hugs:

See you soon xx

#5 Retro Lights

A slightly smaller issue that can definitely wait, but the lights haven't been changed from the 80s, and they're actually not very good at making light:

Because they only send light in 1 direction and there are only 5 of them in the room, there's little pockets of bright light, and then darkness everywhere else! Would it be better to put those flat lights in like these or would that not be any better at spreading light around? Would I be able to use the existing ceiling holes or would I have to have yet MORE plastering done?! When I rewire the lights will I definitely electrocute myself or is it something I can do...?! Help Me, Dad!!

#4 The Big One - Weird Divider Thing!

Ok so this is the horrible thing that for some reason divides the kitchen from the rest of the room. It's really high, not usable as a work surface and makes the kitchen bit narrow whilst taking up space.

 Blech! I want to remove it to make it feel more open, and also make room for a compact freezer in the kitchen space.

The first scary thing is that it feels *solid* - really, really solid. If I shove it it doesn't give an inch. If Phil shoves it it does rock a bit, but it's definitely not just dry wall. I've peeled off the wallpaper and it's revealed a load of those chipboard boards, which have been screwed in to something and then polyfilled over:

To the right of these filled in screws is a long vertical line that's filled in with something Very Hard:

And when I peeled a little bit of the cardboard stuff away, it looks like it's filled with crumbly cement. CEMENT?! I wasn't prepared for this! The only saving grace is that it looks fairly loosely attached to the side wall, and there's more "give" at that end:

BUT even there there's something that may or may not be connected to this beast:

How on earth do I remove this? How is it fixed to the floor? the wall?! Will it ever come off?! Or is this something that's definitely best saved for Christmas....Help Me, Dad! 

#3 Gappy Window

In a fit of spider fearlessness I have stripped the wallpaper off a lot of the living room. HOWEVER, around the upvc window there's a bit of a gap -

When I come to paint the walls, what do I do with this?! Do I need some kind of sealant in an awesome gun thing? Help Me, Dad!

#2 Cornice Thing

So assuming I manage to remove the awful cupboard in a delicate and professional manner, what do I do with this!?

They sawed off a piece of the cornice to fit the ugly cupboard. I want to put it back! Can I do that?! I tapped it and it sounded hard so I think it's plaster. Help Me, Dad!

#1 Corner Units

OK So there's this awful corner unit on the wall.

It needs to go away for ever and also before the plasterer comes to skim the ceiling. How the heck do I get it off the wall!? all I can see are these two screw bits in the side cupboards...

 


BUT! There's nothing in the middle cupboard!

Is that right? If I unscrew the left and right thingies will the whole thing fall off? Do I just go incredible hulk and rip it off the wall?! Help Me, Dad!!